Dear Whovian Authors
by scarlet phlame
Summary: The cast of Doctor Who finally discover FanFiction. (I own nothing.)
1. NinexJack- Ninth Doctor

Dear FanFiction,

Did I read you right? Jack/Doctor? You think Jack and I should...?

Terribly sorry. I believe I just hallucinated. Should lay off the bananas in the future.

- Ninth Doctor


	2. NinexJack- Jack

Dear FanFiction,

Uh, heh. The Doctor and I? *glances around* Whatever made you think of that?

"Sincerely",

Jack


	3. TenxMaster- Tenth Doctor

Dear FanFiction,

Sorry. What? The Master and...

No. Strictly speaking, we're just friends. Actually, we're not even friends! Not even frenemies! ...Probably worse than enemies, anyhow.

-Tenth Doctor


	4. TenxMaster- The Master

Dear Peasants,

I'm pretty sure I'm dead. Wait... *pats self down* Yep, dead.

So you continue to worship me? I SHALL LIVE FOREVER!

*taptaptaptap*

-The Master


	5. Whouffle- Clara

Dear FanFiction,

Hi. *waves*

So... I don't really know what you mean by 'I ship you and the Doctor', but whatever it means, I'm pretty sure it isn't very good, judging by the look on his face.

So what's a Whouffle?

Thanks,

Clara


	6. Whouffle- Eleventh Doctor

Dear FanFiction,

Oh. You had to go and make that a ship.

-Eleventh Doctor


	7. TenxDonna- Donna

Dear FanFiction,

WHAT?

I'm sorry.

WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?

No, no, no. I don't like the Doctor. I mean, he's nice and all, but he's a bit... you know. Alien.

That's probably not even legal. What you're doing is not legal! Those thoughts you're thinking in your head right now shouldn't be legal!

Seriously NOT IN LOVE with the Doctor,

Donna


	8. TenxDonna- Tenth Doctor

Dear FanFiction,

*distracted*

You ship Donna and I? That's nice.

-Tenth Doctor.

P.S. Wait... what?


	9. TenxRose- Tenth Doctor

Dear FanFiction,

Wow! I never knew our ship was that popular! :D I told Rose how many stories there are on here about us-

Oh.

Oh.

Just found one that's rated M.

Oh...

-Tenth Doctor


	10. TenxRose- Rose

Dear FanFiction,

Umm, okay.

I cannot believe you guys.

YOU DIDN'T MAKE US A SHIP NAME?!

-Rose


	11. Doctor Whump- Clara

Dear FanFiction,

What's "Doctor Whump"? And, tell me, why did the Doctor run screaming from the computer after clicking on one?

-Clara


	12. Doctor Whump- Eleventh Doctor

Dear FanFiction,

You sick, sick, people.

-Eleventh Doctor


	13. Doctor Whump- Tenth Doctor

Dear FanFiction,

*spits out tea* YOU HAVE A _COMMUNITY_ FOR THAT?!

-Tenth Doctor


	14. DoctorxDoctor- 9, 10, and 11

(Italics: Nine, Bolded italics: Eleven, Bolded: Ten, Normal: all)

Dear FanFiction,

Sorry to burst your very, very strange, very very weird bubble, but, no, we don't get along well.

_I mean, look at Ten! He's... ugh._

**_Weird? Annoying? Obnoxious? Self-obsessed?_**

**I'm still one of the most liked in the fandom.**

_Point is, bottom line, whoever decided it was a good idea to ship us... I'm coming to find you._

**_You say that so menacingly, but the menace is lost in the written word._**

**...**

...

**Okay... Eleven, quit interacting with our emo incarnation.**

_How many times do I have to tell you I'M NOT EMO!_

**Sure...**

-Ninth, Tenth, and Eleventh Doctors


	15. JackxJenny- Jenny

Dear FanFiction,

Um, sorry, what?

-Jenny


	16. JackxJenny- Jack

Dear FanFiction,

Whoa, guys. Heh. I don't necessarily go charging after _everyone_ I meet that resembles the Doctor...

-Jack Harkness

P.S. Pleasure to meet you.

* * *

"Yes, you do," the Doctor said after reading the letter, sighing.


	17. TenxMartha- Tenth Doctor

Dear FanFiction,

Oh, right. Okay.

I'm hoping that I maybe misread that.

Wasn't this covered?

-Tenth Doctor


	18. TenxMartha- Martha

Dear FanFiction,

Oh, uhm, right.

You had to go and rub it in! For your information, I am married.

*slams door*

-Martha

P.S. Stop calling me Mary Sue! My name is Martha Jones!


	19. TenxRose Reunion Fics- Eleventh Doctor

Dear FanFiction,

Oh. Uh, that's... nice.

Well, more to the point, interesting. Yes, that's it. It's interesting. Very, very interesting.

Yeah. It's interesting. Interesting how insane people can be.

-Eleventh Doctor

P.S. For you all, there's these great things called an asylum and canon. But don't go to the Dalek's asylum. That's no fun.

* * *

_**Thanks for the request by KawaiiJoltic! :D**_

_**We've passed 100 reviews, so thank you guys so much! I'm really happy you're enjoying the story so far! :D**_

_**(I use way too many exclamation points and smileys in my author notes... -_-)**_

_**R&R!**_


	20. JackxDonna- Jack

Dear FanFiction,

Whoa, you guys. Donna's the only character I've stayed away from in the series- and you took that as a sign that we're completely compatible?!

...You wickedly clever people. *extends a hand* Captain Jack Harkness, at your service.

-Jack


	21. JackxDonna- Donna

Dear FanFiction,

OY! What's it to you? I mean, yeah, he's nice and all, but technically, he's dead! If I dated him, it would be like necrophillia. Except ten times over. Since he's died more than once. Actually, has anyone even counted how many times he's died?! YOU SICK PEOPLE!

Not to mention, the Doctor told me he's the Face of Boe. I'm not into rubber heads in jars, people!

-Donna


	22. My Name Is Not 'Doctor Who'

Dear FanFiction,

I understand that this is not an issue for most of you here, but I swear, if I hear ONE MORE MUGGLE- I mean, _fan_, call me 'Doctor Who' again, I will lose it.

I don't know how many people have noticed this, but my name, in the series, is 'The Doctor'. Not 'Doctor Who' or 'Mr. Who'. 'THE DOCTOR'.

To reiterate, my name is 'The Doctor'. Nothing else. Just 'The Doctor'. I believe even my actor expressed distress about this in the credits.

-THE Doctor

* * *

_**Okay, so, in a nutshell, David Tennant was the first person to ask to be named as 'The Doctor' rather than 'Doctor Who' in the credits roll.**_

_**Thanks for reading, and remember to leave a lovely review on your way out!**_

_**P.S. I discovered this horrifying fact. On the thirteenth chapter of this story, there are thirteen words in the chapter, and thirteen reviews on the chapter.**_

_**Um, okay.**_


	23. DoctorxDaleks- The Master & Tenth Doctor

Dear FanFiction,

You ship... The Doctor... and the Daleks...?

HA HA HA! I LAUGHED SO HARD! I DANCED AND DIED A THOUSAND TIMES!

-The Master

* * *

Dear Master,

Please stop intercepting with my chapters.

To the general fanfiction shippers, I don't even think I need to say anything about this pairing.

-Tenth Doctor


	24. Dear FanFiction Haters- Daleks & Jack

Dear FanFiction Haters,

DO NOT BLASPHEME! DO NOT BLASPHEME!

-The Daleks

* * *

Dear FanFiction Haters,

Well, you certainly ARE a flamer. ;) You're very hot indeed.

-Jack


	25. RiverxEleven- Ten

Dear FanFiction,

Uh, yeah, I guess you can ship whoever you want with whoever you want. But I really don't understand the Eleventh's behavior... It's a bit worrying, seeing the way he acts. After reading so many fanfictions that were apparently "in character" for him, I'm getting a bit nervous that Eleven might REALLY be that insane.

Except for the M-rated ones. I'm just staying away from those in general.

-Tenth Doctor

P.S. How dare you have the most reviewed Doctor Who FanFiction here be one of the RiverxDoctor ship, and not of TenxRose. Shame on you!


	26. RiverxEleven- Nine

Dear FanFiction,

Uh- don't ask me my opinion. I've never even met her, although I'm sure she's a nice girl.

-Nine

*inarticulately grumbles about authors waking him up at five in the morning to write a chapter*


	27. JackxMaster- The Master

Dear Fanfiction,

Can I just get this straight- I mean, uh, right? I am perfectly straight. Straight as a ruler.

And not the bendy kind, either.

-The Master


	28. JackxMaster- Jack

Dear FanFiction,

Well, Master, I beg to differ. I am straight as a rainbow.

Although I wouldn't exactly... you know. Get together and... do stuff. After the Year That Never Was.

-Jack


	29. Henry Van Statten Needs A Character Tab

Dear FanFiction,

*ahem* Excuse me. Henry Van Statten speaking.

So... what the hell are you thinking, not making me a little tab in the 'Characters' section of the Doctor Who FanFiction archive? *glares*

Everyone else has one! I mean, even the Daleks have one. I am the master of the Daleks! Even this thing called 'Bad Wolf' has a tab. Listen, if a cheesy character from Little Red Riding Hood gets a tab, so should I.

-Henry Van Statten (Who deserves a tab)

P.S. Here's a suggestion. Add me in and you can use me for a Doctor Whump story or something. I've been told that's quite popular.


	30. Dear Santa

_**Yay! So we reached 200 reviews and this sort of popped up.**_

* * *

Dear FanFiction,

When I grow up, I'm going to build a time machine.

Then I'm going to go back in time to yesterday to stop myself from ever clicking on this FanFiction tab that Aunt Sharon had open.

-Young Amy

* * *

Dear FanFiction,

Huh? Oh. *hides monitor* I most certainly wasn't reading Johnlock. Yep, definitely not.

-Jack


	31. TenxJack- Tenth Doctor

Dear FanFiction,

I thought we covered this. True, I was on a past incarnation, but... I'm positive Jack only likes me as a good friend.

-Tenth Doctor

* * *

_**Yeah... is it bad that I still completely ship JackxTen...? I mean, normally, I don't ship slash stuff, but they're just too cute to pass up!**_

_**Actually, I ship Ten with a lot of people. -_- **_


	32. TenxJack- Jack

Dear FanFiction,

Ah. You keep bringing that up again, don't you?

I'm... not really interested in the Doctor. And the reason I died for him several times, including when I grabbed onto his phone box, was definitely not because I liked him. No, siree.

And I definitely didn't keep his hand in a jar. Nope. That hand was clay. It was a clay hand.

Oh, who am I kidding?!

-Jack

* * *

_**Yeah... This is what happens when Piper Emerald finally convinces me to watch more Torchwood...**_

_**P.S. Thanks to all the lovely recurring reviewers. I'm trying to figure out a way to have them do an indirect response to you, because at the moment FanFiction doesn't allow SYOE fics. :(**_

_**R&R!**_


	33. Wholock- Sherlock and the Doctors

Mailboxes – All Inboxes

(Sherlock Holmes)

Subject: Wholock Episode

Hi, Doctor. This is Sherlock Holmes. The fangirls keep on bugging Steven Moffat and I to make a Wholock Episode. I was wondering if you were interested. Email me back soon.

-Sherlock

P.S. It's very important that we do Wholock.

* * *

Re: Wholock Episode

(The Doctors)

Subject: Wholock Episode

No ship, Sherlock.

-The Doctors


	34. Doctor Whooves- Ten, Eleven, & Nine

Dear Whovian Authors and Bronies,

/)(\

-Tenth Doctor

* * *

Dear Whovian Authors and Bronies,

*straightens bowtie* I so do not watch Doctor Whooves! No, sirree!

-Eleventh Doctor

* * *

Dear Whovian Authors and Bronies,

*raises eyebrow* Why would you name a pony Derpy? Does that even make sense? And, may I ask, why don't I get a pony? Doctor Whooves just looks like the Tenth Doctor. Except stranger. If that's possible.

-Ninth Doctor


	35. FourxSarah Jane- Fourth Doctor

Dear FanFiction,

Ah. Well, I suppose I should have seen that coming.

Do what you like. Although don't say anything if you happen to be strangled by a multicolored scarf at midnight.

-Fourth Doctor

* * *

_**Lol... I hope I write for Four ok...**_

_**Please R&R! Thanks to all your support so far, your responses are HILARIOUS! :D**_


	36. ElevenxRory- Eleventh Doctor

Dear FanFiction,

Huh? What?! When have we even done anything remotely-

Oh, forget that. I'm starting to think we don't even need to have chemistry of any sort anymore- you're just making ships left and right.

-Eleven


	37. ElevenxRory- Rory

Dear FanFiction,

Eh, uh, I'm... look, I'm sort of married. And not even in the show anymore. Can you just drop it?

-Rory


	38. RosexMaster- Rose

Dear FanFiction,

Who's 'the Master'? Sounds a bit like a fitness trainer or something.

-Rose


	39. RosexMaster- The Master

Dear FanFiction,

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah. That would be _like_ shipping two people who've never met- and we wouldn't want that, would we?

Wait, that IS shipping two people who have never met.

*smiles*

-The Master


	40. JackiexTen- Tenth Doctor

Dear FanFiction,

...I'm starting to wonder if you've even ever watched the show.

-Tenth Doctor


	41. JackiexTen- Jackie

Dear FanFiction,

WHAT?! He's already occupied with my daughter!

Although... I must say, he is a bit of a looker...

-Jackie

* * *

_**Sorry to say I cannot see this ship happening (although I have nothing against it), but we have seen Jackie making some... *cough* comments on the Doctor's appearance... *cough***_


	42. FourxSarah Jane- Sarah Jane

Dear FanFiction,

Ah.

Well... he is a _bit_ handsome... Maybe I'd give him a 7/10 for looks. Or... an 8. All right, no more than a 9. Nine-point five? Well... no higher than ten.

-Sarah Jane

* * *

_**AHH! I thought I put this up way earlier! **_

_***dies***_


	43. The Wisdom of The Face of Boe

_**Aand... this chapter's rated T. Just because it's Jack being... well, Jack.**_

* * *

Dear FanFiction,

Weee-ll... they don't call it a sonic SCREWdriver for nothing...

-Jack


	44. DoctorxMary Sue- Doctor

Dear FanFiction,

Honestly, there's so many of these out there I can't make an honest statement on my opinion.

Although I doubt I would fall desperately in 'twoo wuv' with a girl named 'Nyssaandreamary Kitty Jealcon Michelle Andy Woods Sue' who has 'pink eyes that sparkles like the purple hair she has that also sparkles like purple unicorn fur'.

However, I would give her some advice. Learn to use commas and shorten her name to... something like... Hmm... Mary Sue? Yes, I think I like that.

-Doctor

* * *

_**I'm not naming anybody... but, MY, these fics are so popular, they're all gonna become IMMORTAL.**_

_**Naw, I'm just kidding. I actually enjoy a lot of OCxDoctor fics- there are some really good ones out there.**_

**_Note that I'm not targeting ALL OC fics, it's just the _Mary Sues_. Which... we actually don't have that many Mary Sues in this archive. But this chapter had to happen at some point, guys._**

**_R&R! We're almost at 100 follows, so thanks to everyone!_**


	45. TenxJenny- Tenth Doctor

Dear FanFiction,

WHAT?!

...WHAT?!

I'm sorry, really, but... WHAT?!

Where would you even think of that? Why? I just don't understand! Can someone explain to me what exactly is going through your head? Look, I understand that in some universes, we might be together, but parallel worlds are completely different from others. Jenny is my daughter! I'm sorry, but honestly, NO. Just no.

-Tenth Doctor


	46. TARDISxDoctor- TARDIS

Dear FanFiction,

Please do stop shipping me with my Thief. I get it- it's a great ship. But not as great a ship as I am.

You all are really pushing my buttons. Please stop.

-The TARDIS

* * *

_**Don't give me that look. IDK how to write for TARDIS! The non human one, I mean. Totally not envisioning bitey madlady as I write this.**_

_**R&R!**_


	47. TARDISxDoctor- The Doctor

Dear FanFiction,

...I... uh, uhm, don't know what to say about that 'mallet' comment.

On another hand, stop playing games with us. Our relationship is OUR relationship. You can have your other ships but you cannot ever have this one.

-The Doctor

* * *

_**On another note, I was on HG fanfiction earlier today, and I found a ship name with Peeta x Katniss called 'Peeniss'... I think I broke my gut laughing. **_

_**I mean, it was a legitimate ship name on a FanFiction that wasn't Humor or Parody! I'm not trying to be mean, or judgey, cos I haven't even read it, but... ya...**_


	48. Ten Discovers Lemons

Dear FanFiction,

Today I learned what a FanFiction lemon is.

How strange such a sentence is. It would seem to be such a piece of evident causality that-

Dear FanFiction,

Ignore Ten. He gets strange like this when he finds RoryxEleven slashfics. Not that he isn't always strange. He's the Doctor.

-Amy


	49. Eleven Discovers Lemons

Dear FanFiction,

WHAT?! Why would you do this to me?! I finally found a good Jack/Ten FanFiction, and it had to-

Uh, let me rephrase. HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME! It was a rated T fic! You have murdered the T rating! Hiding your precious smut behind the ordinary facade of a sour fruit! No more, I say, no more!

-Eleventh Doctor


	50. 50th Chapter Special: Ten

Dear Whovians,

In response to your many, many questions...

_Q: Hi! I'm Anon! I have a question! Doctor are you bi! Do you like Jack?_

A: No, I am not bi. Sorry. I don't know where you got this from. I believe I have covered Jack, thanks.

_Q: Doctor, doctor, Bad Wolf!_

A: That isn't a question.

_Q: Doctor, who do you like more, River or Rose?_

A: ...No comment. Don't want to start a fandom war, sorry.

_Q: Doctor, will you take me with you?_

A: Yeah, I'm a bit... busy... at the moment... sorry. Maybe some other time. Any more questions?

_Q: Why is the rum gone?_

A: Go ask Captain Jack.

-Ten


	51. Eleven- Comic Con Trailer Reaction

Dear FanFiction,

I never thought I'd say this, but I agree with you about Steven Moffat and the Comic-Con trailer. Sometimes I think he is just 5' 8" feet tall of nonsense. Even though he only has two feet.

Sincerely,

Eleventh Doctor

* * *

_**Yep... I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry for posting this. Honestly, I respect Steven Moffat. He's a great writer. But he can do some pretty rude things sometimes. (Although everyone is rude sometimes.) **_


	52. ElevenxSherlock- Eleven

Dear FanFiction,

All right. Who came up with this ship?! Because I swear to God, if I ever meet them, I will... Uh... I don't know, actually. But it won't be anything good, and that's a promise!

Huh? I dressed as him? In the Christmas special?

...Uh... I didn't actually want to! It was the costume designer's idea! I AM NOT A JOHNLOCK SHIPPER!

-Eleven

* * *

_**Eleven's becoming a fanboy. But admit to it, my friends. Every cat, woman, man, and dog on Earth and even those noseless dogs in Barcelona are Johnlock shippers. **_

_**...K... gonna pretend that previous author's note never happened... and say...**_

_**R&R!**_


	53. TenxMickey- Tenth Doctor

Dear FanFiction,

Honestly, I don't know how you come up with these things. Do you just... sit there (wherever it is Whovians sit) on your TARDIS beach towel and look at random character names, then say "oh, hey, we haven't shipped them yet, how about we give them a go"?! Because, honestly, that's the only thing I can think of.

-Tenth Doctor

* * *

_**Author's Note: Btw, I'm not sure if you noticed, but in the extended 50th anniversary trailer, when Rose waves, is there a wedding ring on her finger?! I'm not gonna panic, but OMG SHE BETTER HAVE MARRIED THE DOCTOR!**_

**_...Anyway, R&R. Thanks to rosylady for submitting this ship! Your reviews are much appreciated! :P_**


	54. TenxMickey- Mickey

Dear FanFiction,

I- ah- what?! Where would you even get that?! The whole point I went traveling with the Doctor was so I could be with Rose!

Sincerely Scarred,

Mickey


	55. Grammar- Everyone

Dear FanFiction,

There's this great thing. It's called grammar. You might want to use it.

Also, please learn how to spell our names. I understand that Raxacoricofallapatorious might be difficult to spell sometimes, but the author is thirteen and she can spell it. Yes, she needs a life and you need grammar, but even so... Spelling would be nice.

-Doctor Who cast


	56. Stop Hating On UNIT

Dear FanFiction/Torchwood/UNIT haters,

Please do stop making fun of us. UNIT has been around since almost the beginning of Doctor Who. Torchwood happened on accident.

Yeah, we wear berets. Is that such a huge issue? The Doctor wore celery on his shirt. Anything's possible in the Whoniverse. Not to mention that the Doctor actually _worked_ with us, may we remind you. He doesn't remotely agree with anything Torchwood.

Baffled,

Members of UNIT


End file.
